Chapter 39 – Awoken (Gerard’s POV)

“Why don’t you just kiss me?” A voice yells.
I look around.
“Why don’t you just walk up to me and kiss me?” The voice yells again.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“You always wanted to do that ever since I got back,” The voice yells louder.
“Who is that?” I ask.
“You won’t do anything cause you're scared you coward” The voice yells near my ear.
I turn around but nothing is there.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Question is what do you want you fucken Coward,” The voice yells right against my ear.
I drop to my knees the voice was a women’s voice, a yelling woman’s voice and it was making my ears feel as if they were bleeding.
“Please stop yelling,” I say.
“Why should I stop Gerard?” The voice asks still yelling.
“Cause your hurting me,” I say covering my ears.
“Well you hurt me but that doesn’t matter does it Gee?” The voice says a little quieter.
Only one girl that calls me Gee … Jacquie.
“All you want to do is kiss me but you won’t cause you're too scared” The voice yells but begins to quieten.
“What is wrong?” I ask looking up.
“You” The voice says and begins to sob, the sob I knew to well it was Jacquie’s.
“Why?” I ask looking around for anything.
“You can’t even tell me you love me anymore, you hide everything” Jacquie says trembly.
Then there is a thud.
“Jacquie” I yell.
“Just go away,” she says.
I begin walking around all but all I see is darkness.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“You pushed everyone away,” she screams.
“No I didn’t,” I say back still looking.
“Your mum” She says.
“She doesn’t care about me,” I say.
“Matt” She says.
“I didn’t,” I say beginning to feel really bad.
“Ray… Frankie … even Mikey … your brother” she says.
“I didn’t push them away, they pushed me away” I say.
“Your own brother” she sobs.
“I didn’t,” I say.
“You pushed me away” she says very quietly.
“I did not, I kept you as close as possible,” I yell.
No reply.
“Jacquie” I yell.
I begin running around in different directions trying to find her.
“Jacquie” I yell again.
I hear a moan and finally see Jacquie curled in a ball. She is wearing a white dress stained with red.
I run to her and kneel beside her I lift her into my arms.
“Jacquie are you okay?” I ask.
“I told you to go away,” She mumbles.
“I’m not going” I say looking at her arms covered in cuts and bleeding.
She sits up.
“Why can’t you just leave the people you hate alone?” she says.
“I don’t hate you” I say “I don’t hate Mikey, … Matt … Ray and Frank and I don’t even hate my mother, how could I”
She gets to her feet.
“Fuck off you don’t care,” she says walking away.
I follow her.
“I do care,” I say beginning to cry.
“You don’t you have never cared” She says “Look what you have become, if you really cared you would of never become the person who pushes everyone who ever cared for you way”
I grab her by the shoulders and turn her around.
“I never pushed anyone away,” I say crying, “Everyone changed and we grew apart”
“No” she says struggling to break free of my grip.
I pull her into a hug.
“Let go of me” She screams.
“I know you don’t mean it” I say.
She breaks free of my embrace and walks away, I run after her but she becomes unreachable and I fall to the ground crying.

I sit up quickly and look around it was dark.
Just a dream … a nightmare. I look up at where Jacquie was sleeping Her arm lies dangling from the bed. I get up and put her arm back next to her, She had kicked the covers off herself so I pulled them up and covered her.That nightmare was fucked up But it was true I’m scared to tell her how I feel about her, I think its obvious to her I still like her Well to me it was maybe not her, but it doesn’t matter she has Andrew. I feel a tear come to my eye, I blink it away, lie back down and cover myself with the sleeping bag

Chapter 38 – My place (Jacquie’s POV)

I walk to the bedroom and find 4 people.
“Who are you guys?” I ask.
“Apparently the new owners of this place” A guy says.
“Did you kill the paintings in the front room?” I ask.
“Maybe” The same guy says.
I give up no point arguing, I walk down to the front room.
I pick up Gerard’s bags He wouldn’t be coming back here.
I lug 2 of them on my shoulders and carry the other two with my hands I carefully pick up Gerard’s laptop bag and put it over my head. I walk out of the door and begin walking to my place.
I knock my head against the door and Kerrie opens the door.
“What the hell?” she asks.
“Gerard is gonna be staying with us tonight” I say and squeeze around her and walk to my room.
“Why?” she asks.
“He has nowhere to stay,” I say putting his bags down in my room.
“What about his mum’s place?” she asks.
“Had a fight with her” I say.
“Jacquie I don’t think it’s right to be looking after him” she says.
“He is staying with us” I say and walk out my room.
“Okay fine” she says walking into the kitchen.
I walk out the front door.
“Where you going?” she asks me.
“Getting Gerard” I say closing the door.

I walk around yelling out Gerard.
I walk to the shops and I couldn’t find him I started asking people and just got replies of ‘no’ and ‘I don’t know who that is’.


3 hours later…
I was still looking for Gerard My legs ached from walking Well it was nearly 6pm Ray is bound to be home so I walk to Ray’s.
I knock on the door Ray opens it
“Heya” he says cheerfully but then concerned “You look exhausted”
“I know, Gerard’s missing and his mum kicked him out,” I say.
“Oh” he says “Well he is not here”
“Okay can you help me find him?” I ask.
“I guess,” he says.
“We need to get Matt too,” I say.
“Matt won’t have anything to do with Gerard” Ray says.
“He will” I say.
Ray walks into his house and gets a key and puts it into his pocket and closes the door after himself when he leaves.
We walk to Matt’s and knock on the door.
“Hi” Matt’s mother says.
She turns and yells for Matt.
Matt comes to the door.
“Yo” he says.
“Can you help us find Gerard?” I ask.
“No” he says.
“Matt come on, he could be in real danger” I say.
“For you” he says and closes the door after himself.
The three of us look around for Gerard.
“He will be near Sasha’s” Matt says.
“Sasha’s?” Ray asks before I could.
“Yeah the chick from school he had a crush on,” Matt says.
“But he said to me he hated her” Ray says.
“Hell yeah he hates her” Matt says “Wouldn’t you hate a chick who takes sleazy photo’s of herself and her boyfriend and then sends them to you?”
“Apparently that was by accident,” Ray says.
“I doubt it” Matt replies.
“But why would he be hanging around there?” I ask.
“Ricki” Matt says.
“Huh?” Ray says “That gay dude?”
“Yeah” Matt says and begins to walk and Ray and I follow.
“Is Gerard … Bisexual?” Ray asks.
“Don’t think so,” Matt says, “its just Ricki’s Friend Rayanne is the biggest alco this side of the world”
“She is not,” Ray says
“Well no true” Matt says “You're right that Dylan guy was, but still I know you like Rayanna”
“I don’t, I got over her ages ago” Ray replies.
“Sure” Matt says “You still constantly stare at her in English”
“Shut up” Ray says his cheeks were a pink colour obviously confirming what Matt has said.

We arrive at a red brick house.
“Go on” Matt says sitting in the gutter.
“What?” I ask.
“Go ask for him” Matt says “You think I’m gonna talk to a gay?”
“Homosexual people are cool and have feelings too you shouldn’t be so god damn judgemental” I say.
Ray and I walk to the front door and I knock.
“Come in doors unlocked” A voice says.
Ray opens the door letting me in first and following me in.
A guy, a girl and Gerard are sitting watching TV.
“How the hell did you find me?” Gerard says jumping up.
“Matt helped” I say.
“Gonna introduce” The guy says.
“Oh this is Jacquie and Ray well you know Ray from Math and English” Gerard says.
“Nice to meet you Jacquie and good to see you again Ray” The guy says “I’m Ricki and that is Rayanne”
“Yo” Rayanne says and goes back to watch TV.
“Hi” I say and look at Ray who was looking at Rayanne.
Surely still crushing on her.
“Umm Gerard you can stay over mine” I say “I got your stuff there”
“Okay” he says and smiles.
“What about us?” Ricki says.
“I don’t think I will want to take 4 bags full of my shit here” Gerard says and looks at me “Did you carry them all the way to your place by yourself?”
“Yeah … slowly” I say.
“Thanks” he says.
“Well I’ll see ya later” I say.
Ricki comes over to me and hugs me.
“I’ll see you later too” he says with a smile and hugs Ray then Gerard.
Rayanne looks at us and goes back to watching TV.
We walk out the door.
“Take your time” Matt says getting up and begins walking.
We join him.
“So Gerard you okay?” I ask him.
“Eh alright” he says
“Shit I didn’t think of where you can sleep” I say.
“Meh anywhere will be fine” he says.
“You can have my bed I’ll sleep on the couch” I say.
“But it’s your bed” he says.
“You're not gonna get cooties” I say.
“No its not that its just I should take the couch” he replies
“Nah I want the couch” I say “I find them comfortable”
“Sure” he says sarcastically.
“Well my house is that way so I shall be leaving” Ray says.
“Bye” I say hugging him.
When I let go of him he makes off to his place.
“Have you got any food at your place?” Gerard asks.
“Umm yeah” I say.
“Can I have something?” he asks.
“Umm sure” I say.
Matt walks faster.
“Matt will be joining us” I say.
“What?” Matt asks and stops walking.
“Come on” I say.
“Tomorrow” he replies.
“No” I say.
“Never” he says
“Fine Tomorrow” I say.
He begins walking again.

We get to my house and Matt walks off without saying bye.
“Geez what’s up with him?” Gerard asks walking to my front door.
“I was gonna ask you” I say.
“Huh” he replies.
I open the door and walk in.
“Man you took your time” Kerrie says.
“Mr Good Hider here has friends in far places” I say walking to my room and going inside.
Gerard joins me.
“Good hider?” he asks.
“I’m tired and stupid leave it” I say with a laugh.
“And pretty” he says leaving the room.
“Simple flirting gets you no where” I reply.
I walk back out.
“Food?” I ask.
“Read my mind” He replies.
I walk into the kitchen.
“Kerrie do you have like pizza” I ask.
“No” she says.
“Can I order some?” I ask.
“But I cooked dinner its in the fridge” she says.
I open the fridge, Leftover… something green.
“Umm Gerard really wants pizza” I say, “We will go out and have some okay”
Gerard walks into the kitchen.
“I don’t mind having… WHOA what is that?” he asks seeing it.
“I have no idea” I whisper to him.
“It’s Casserole” Kerrie smiles.
“I really feel like pizza” Gerard says “It’s sorta like cravings you know like when your pregnant”
“I’ve never had a child Gerard” Kerrie says “But I know what you mean”
“Oh sorry it’s just you’re a women who looks as if she has had a child and…” he says but I pull his arm.
“Bye Kerrie we will be back around 9-ish” I say pulling Gerard to the door.
I close the door behind us.
“A women who looks as if she has had a child?” I ask.
“Sorry she just makes me nervous” he says.
“Sure” I reply and we walk to the pizza shop.

“Okay one Hawaiian Pizza please” I ask.
“Sure $2” the server asks.
I give him $2 and he places down the order.
Gerard and I sit on the bench out the front to wait for our pizza.
“I don’t get it” Gerard says.
“What?” I ask.
“I was always so close to Matt” he says “Now he can’t stand the sight of me”
“Why don’t you try and talk to him?” I suggest “He feels as if you abandoned him”
“How did I abandon him?” Gerard asks angrily.
“You ignored him, he needed your help but you disappeared” I say.
“Sound like a certain girl I know” Gerard mumbles.
“Hey that’s not fair, I had no decision in that and you know I would of stayed if I could” I reply to his comment angrily.
“Really?” he asks calmly getting up and going back into the shop to get the pizza.
It was weird how pizza seemed to be cooked so quick at a shop then at home.
Gerard walks back out with the pizza and we slowly walk back home.
“I don’t get you Gerard” I say quietly.
“Hmm?” he murmurs.
“You know I would have stayed” I say “If I was allowed”
“I know but now if you were allowed to stay you wouldn’t” he says.
“I would stay…maybe … okay I couldn’t because of mum,” I say.
“Yeah but also because of Andrew and possibly Mark” he says getting a slice of pizza out.
“Well yeah Andrew’s my boyfriend but why Mark?” I ask.
“Mark buys you stuff, you fell into the gimmick of him buying you stuff to get you to like him” he says finishing his slice of pizza.
“You really think that?” I ask him.
“Sorta” he says getting out another slice and eating it “You sounded awfully happy when you got the phone and then the laptop”
“Well yeah… damn” I say.
He raises an eyebrow and lowers it and finishes his slice.
“But if I was allowed to stay before I went to Australia I would of, I seriously want you to know that” I say.
“I wish that happened” he says passing me the box “Wanna piece?”
“Sure” I say taking a piece then he took back the box.
I begin eating it.
“So what you going to do with your life?” he asks he says getting another slice.
“I don’t know, maybe an office job in the city” I say.
“Nearly every smart chick says that” he says “All the others say either go go dancers and shit”
“You ask often?’ I ask him.
“Well no” he says and finishes his piece.
I smile at him and finish my piece.
“Want another piece?” he asks.
“No thanks” I say “Better leave some for Jimmy, probably didn’t eat Kerrie’s … casserole contraption”
I laugh.
“Okay I’ll leave him some” he says getting out another piece.
We walk the rest of the way in silence.

I open the door and we go inside.
“Shhh Kerrie’s asleep” Jimmy says quietly appearing and pointing to the lounge.
I nudge Gerard.
“Oh dude we saw what Kerrie cooked and we left you some Pizza” Gerard whispers to Jimmy handing him the box.
“Thanks, serious bleh, if you want to survive here best to avoid Kerrie when she is cooking” Jimmy whispers and gives a little chuckle “Well Gerard since Kerrie has stolen you sleeping spot..”
“My sleeping spot” I interrupt “Gerard was gonna have my bed”
“No I wasn’t” He says quietly.
“Anyways the only thing I can think of is a sleeping bag,” Jimmy says.
“I’ll take it” I say before Gerard.
“Shhh” Jimmy hushing me.
“Sorry” I say quietly.
“I’ll let you decide amongst yourselves” he whispers.
“Me” Gerard replies.
“Anyways Gerard you're gonna have to be in Jacquie’s room either way, also no funny business or else you're out of here” he says directing his comment to Gerard.
“Also same goes for you Jacquie no funny business, your mum certainly wouldn’t appreciate it” he says to me “We are not gonna tell her that Gerard is staying here cause it might freak her out a bit, alright”
“We won’t anyway” I say.
Kerrie moves a little but doesn’t wake up.
“Remember quiet alright” Jimmy says moving to Kerrie’s room and then coming back giving me the sleeping bag.
Gerard and I enter my room and I close the door.
“Whoa your room hasn’t changed a bit … except it’s clean” he says.
“Yeah I know” I say.
“Weird” he says.
“I’m just going to go on my laptop for a bit okay” I say going to my laptop and turning it on.
I check my emails. 1 new email!
“Ooo popular” Gerard says.
“Yeah totally” I reply “But I would appreciate you not looking over my shoulder”
“Right sorry” he says sitting on the bed and lying back.

Heya
How is NJ so far?
Missing you terribly see you soon :D
Love Andy

Hi
It’s alright, seen my friends not much really different just heights J
Missing you too
Love Jacquie

I send my message and turn off my laptop.
I hear a snort and turn around.
“What?” I ask.
“Never mind” he says “You need sleep”
He gets up.
“You’re having the bed” I say.
“Nope you are” he says.
“You are” I say getting up.
“You” he argues.
I push him onto the bed.
“You are” I say.
“Geez” he says “But serious it’s not right for me to have the bed while you get a sleeping bag”
“You’re having the bed” I say.
He gets off the bed again.
“Don’t make me push you down” he says.
Jimmy walks in.
“What are you gonna do to her?” he questions angrily.
“We are arguing about who is getting the bed” I say.
“Oh you get it” he says.
“Why?” I ask.
“Gerard is a gentleman so you get the bed” he says leaving and closing the door.
Gerard smirks at me.
“Gah stupid gentlemen” I say “Anyways I’ll go change in the bathroom”
I walk to the closet and get out my black pj’s and go to the door.
“Get dressed before I get back” I say and go out and close the door behind me.
I go into the bathroom and change into my pj’s. I walk back to my bedroom and knock on the door.
“Come in” Gerard says.
I walk in and he has a pair of pj pants and a plain black shirt.
I put my clothes in the basket next to my bed.
I sit on the bed and look at Gerard.
“What?” he says siting down on the ground “Mum lost the shirt to these”
He looks at what I’m looking at and hides his arms behind his back.
“It’s not like you haven’t done it” he says angrily.
I close my eyes for a minute and open them again.
“You going to bed now?” I ask calmly.
“Yeah” he says moodily.
I get up and turn the light off and get into my bed and pull the covers over myself.
I hear Gerard moving around on the ground next to my bed pulling the sleeping bag over himself.
“Night Gee” I say.
“Night” he says
I close my eyes and fall asleep.

Chapter 37– It Happens Like The Leaves Fall Off Trees (Jacquie’s POV)

I wake up and hold my head, A minor headache that’s all, hate to think what Gerard has. I get up and walk into the living room.

“What time did you get home?” Kerrie asks happily.
“Eh not late” I say.
“Okay” Kerrie replies.
“You still a hater of breakfast?” Jimmy asks from the kitchen
“For one I didn’t hate breakfast and two I occasionally eat breakfast and today happens to be a day I don’t feel like it,” I say.
“Okay” he says “How about you cutie pie?”
“You know I hate that name” Kerrie says “But yes please”
She gets up and joins Jimmy in the kitchen.
“Umm Kerrie I need to do some washing” I say.
“Sure, know how to use a crappy machine?” she asks.
“Maybe” I reply.
“Nah I’ll do it,” she says walking back into the living room.
“Well its got … vomit on it” I say awkwardly.
“Yours or someone else’s?” she asks rasing and eyebrow.
“Someone else’s” I reply.
“What did you do?” she jokes.
“Not much” I say with laugh “They saw my face and puke time”
“Sure” she says, “Give us it”
I walk into my room and get the plastic bag with the clothes and give it to her.
“Oh and can you wash Ray’s … dressing gown” I say.
“Why do you have Ray’s dressing gown?” she asks.
“Well I wasn’t gonna wear puke on me for the night” I say.
“Good point” she says.
I go get it and give it to her.
“Thanks” I say.
“No problem” She says leaving the room.
I go back in my room and change into some blue skinny leg jeans and a smashing pumpkins shirt. I put on my shoes and find some perfume and put it on, I didn’t feel like a shower at the moment. I walk back into the living room.
“You off to see your friends?” Jimmy says sitting eating a piece of toast.
“Umm what time is it?” I ask.
“10 something” he replies.
“What the? Why are you having toast now?” I ask.
“Cause I feel like it” he says with a smile full of crumbs.
“Okay well yeah I will be seeing my friends,” I say.
“Okay have fun,” he says.
I walk out the house.

I walk to Ray’s quickly and knock on the door.
Ray opens the door.
“Heya” he says.
“Hi” I reply.
“So you here for Gerard?” he asks.
“You and Gerard” I say.
“Well he is still crashed” Ray says.
“Oh okay, I’ll wake him” I say.
Ray lets me in.
“He kinda threw up again but thank god there was a bowl” Ray says.
“Yeah” I say.
I walk to the couch and find Gerard lying on the couch with his face facing the ceiling.
“Oh sleeping beauty” I call out.
He snorts but continues sleeping.
I look at Ray and laugh.
I walk over to Gerard and sit on his stomach, I look at him to see if he wakes up.
“God he fricken sleeps” I yell.
“Yes he does” Ray says.
“Hey look its Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins” I yell.
Still no reply or movement.
I grab his nose he begins gasping for air and snorting so I let go.
“Normally that works” I say.
Ray shrugs then looks as if he has and idea and an evil smile appears on his face.
“Hey look Jacquie’s naked,” he yells.
Gerard jumps up.
Ray cracks up laughing.
“Am I more special naked then Billy Corgan?” I ask Gerard.
Gerard begins to go a little red.
“Never mind” I say getting off of him “So how you feeling?”
“Like shit” he says, “I need a couple and I will be fine”
“No more” I yell and cover my mouth.
Gerard smiles.
“Hey you made me somewhat drunk too, I had a headache when I woke up” I say.
“Like you said yesterday you can’t control me,” Gerard says with a smirk.
I roll my eyes and walk into Ray’s kitchen I get a glass of water and bring it out to Gerard.
“Water?” he questions.
“Yes drink it or I will throw it on you” I say.
“Okay Geez” he says and drinks it and passes me the glass again.
“So what are we doing today?” I ask.
“We?” Gerard asks.
“Yes we” I say.
“I gotta go to school soon” Ray says, “My first class of the day starts soon”
“Okay” I reply “Then you must have class soon to Mr Way”
“No I don’t” he says, “I told you I quitted”
“Sure” I say, “Well you’re going today anyways”
“God leave me alone alright not today maybe next week,” Gerard says.
“You're so stubborn” I say.
“So are you” Gerard says.
“GAHH” I say turning away from him.
“I don’t believe that’s a word Miss Valkyrie I think you should go to school,” Gerard says.
“Shut up” I say and walk into the kitchen putting the glass in the sink.
Arms circle my waist.
“You have got to stop doing that,” I say pulling free of Gerard’s grip and walking off.
“Bye Ray” I say and walk out the front door.


(Gerard’s POV)
“Bye Ray” Jacquie says and I hear the front door close.
“What did you do?” Ray says walking into the kitchen.
“Nothing” I say.
“Tell Me,” He questions me further.
“Doesn’t matter” I reply “Anyways thanks for letting me stay, I’m outta here”
“Welcome but serious what did you do to her?” Ray asks
“Hugged her” I say and make my way for the front door.
“How?” he asks following me.
“None of your business” I say and open the door and leave.

I walk to my house and try to open the door but it won’t budge I knock and no one answers.
“Fucken mum” I say to myself “Gone out and left the place locked”
What the hell was I gonna do for the next … Why do I even bother asking I know the answer.
I make my way to the abandoned house.
I go inside and get a bottle of beer and take the cap off and I take a sip Beer had lost its taste to me, so bland and boring but that didn’t matter to me as long as I was out for the count by lunch. I walk to where I had thrown the bottles of paint at the wall. I touch it to see if its wet and I am left with red and black paint on my fingers I wipe my fingers across the dry part of the walk to get rid of most the paint from them. I drink some more of my beer and make my way to the bedroom and I place the beer on the side table. I look at the mirror on the wall, I looked worse than usual today with my eyes red, hair messed up and dried vomit on my shirt I hear footsteps shuffle from a distance and then they start tapping on the timber floors in the front room. Someone was here but who? I quickly pick up my drink and finish it. I peer down the hallway and see a figure move across the room and then another.
“Hey look at this shit,” A guy says.
“Fucken emo’s” Another guy says.
Then the sound of spray cans hissing filled the house.

A good hour has past and finally the hissing had stopped.
“Damn we ran out,” A voice says.
“Eh don’t matter” Another voice says.
“Lets check around” The 1st voice says.
“Fuck it all your gonna find here is razor blades and old alcohol bottle and possibly a dead emo” the other voice says and laughs.
“Fine lets go” a voice says and then the guys had left.
I didn’t want to see what had happened to my work, it must have been ruined. I may as well check the damage, but 1st I was gonna need another beer I get another beer and pop the top and take a mouthful and swallow I walk into the front room and look around. All drawings and paintings had been scribbled on in various colours of spray paint and the discarded spray cans spread out everywhere. There must be over 20 cans But in yellow fluorescent spray paint on top of all the destruction the words FUCK OFF EMO and on the other side EMO’S SUCK were in big bold writing. How could someone do this? All that work and effort I had put into it… ruined … destroyed … wrecked. I finish my beer and throw out of the window, it hit the ground with a smash. I better start cleaning, I go into the cupboard and pull out a folded blanket, I unfold it and place it in the middle of the front room I place the spray cans on it and all the shards of glass from bottles I had smashed and then just bottles that were around the room from me. When I had finished I tied the ends of the blanket into a knot so that it contained all the glass, bottles and cans. I threw the blanket out of the door and then kicked it under a bush outside. I walk back into the house and look at the walls again I was gonna need to get a hell of a lot of paint to get rid of all of that. But what colour? Black? Red? Purple? Dark Blue? I don’t know.
“Fuck I’ll do this later” I yell.
I walk out of the house and walk to mine.

I knock on the door because it is still locked.
Mum answers.
“Oh you're home now are you?” She says angrily.
“I was at a friends,” I say trying to push past but she won’t let me.
“You smell of alcohol, you look a mess, what happened?” she asks.
“I had a couple of drinks and crashed at a friends,” I say.
“How many?” she asks angrier.
“I don’t know does it matter, I’m alive” I say.
“Sometimes I doubt that” she mumbles and walks away.
I walk into the house and close the door.
“Are you going to school today?” She yells from her room.
“Next week mum” I yell back at her.
“You say that every time I ask,” she yells back.
“Whatever” I say and walk into my room I change clothes get my wallet and check how much I have.
“$50 oh yeah fucken rich” I say sarcastically to myself.
I put my wallet in my back pocket and I walk to the front door.
“You leaving again?” My mum asks.
“I’m getting some paint,” I say.
“What for?” She asks.
“None of your business” I reply opening the door.
“You know what don’t even come back you hardly live here anymore” Mum yells at me.
“Mum I’m just getting some fucking paint” I reply “I will be back”
“Sure for two minutes and then you're gone” she says.
“I wonder why I even do come back,” I say under my breath.
“What did you say?” She asks.
“I WONDER WHY I FUCKEN COME BACK YOU DEAF BITCH” I yell at her.
“GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE YOU UNGREATFUL BASTARD” she yells at me.
“Oh fuck up” I say walking out of the door and slamming it in her face.
I walk down the street to the shops.

I go into a hardware shop and go into the paint section. Black … Red … Purple … Dark Blue … What to choose. I could paint it all red and then use black for silhouettes of stuff or maybe Dark blue for the illusion of night and use light yellows and white to do like stars and shit. Someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn around.
“What the fuck do you want?” I say.
It’s Jacquie. What the fuck is she doing here?
“Fine I’ll go,” She says turning away.
“Sorry didn’t know it was you” I say grabbing her by the shoulder.
“Okay” she says, “What happened to the house?”
“My house?” I ask, “What the fuck did my mum do?”
“Your mum?” She says surprised “She wrote Fuck off emo and that shit?”
“Oh you mean my place” I say “ Some guys spray painted the place and fucked it up bad, that’s why I’m here getting paint, I’m gonna start over again”
“Oh” she says.
“How did you find me?” I ask.
“Well I went to your place and you weren’t there so I thought your mum’s and she told me to not talk about him except she rephrased it differently and then I came here and I saw you through the front window” She says.
“Okay and why were you looking for me?” I ask.
“Cause” She says.
“Why?” I ask.
“I felt bad you did nothing wrong and I yelled at you” She says.
“But I did” I say.
“No you didn’t,” she says.
“I did, I shouldn’t of hugged you like I did, I’m just used to hugging you like that” I say “And I especially can’t now you have a boyfriend”
“Never mind it now, just try not to” She says with a smile.
“Okay sure” I say.
“So what paint are you looking for?” She asks.
“I don’t know” I reply, “I’m not sure what to do”
She shrugs.
“I was thinking of painting it all red and then using black for silhouettes of stuff or doing like a night scene thing” I say.
“Silhouettes are more fun,” She says with a smile.
“Okay silhouettes it is” I say and get a can of red paint and a can of black paint.
“You need brushes too right?” She asks.
“A big brush yeah I got heaps of little ones, so yeah” I reply.
She picks up two big brushes.
“I only need one,” I say.
“We need two,” She says.
“You're gonna help?” I ask surprised.
“Hell yeah” she says.
We walk to the counter and we place the items on the counter.
The clerk checks the prices.
“That is $60,” He says.
Shit I only got $50.
“Here ya go” Jacquie says giving him money.
The clerk takes it off her and puts it in the cash register He gets out a plastic bag and puts the brushes in it and a receipt.
I pick up the paint cans and she takes the brushes.
We walk out the shop and make our way back down back to my place.
“Thanks for paying” I say.
“No problem” She says with a smile.
We are out the front of my place and I place the cans on the ground. I try to open the door and its locked.
I knock on the door and mum answers it.
“What?” she asks.
“Umm I live here” I say.
“Not for long” she says passing me a bag and then another.
“You’re kicking me out?” I ask.
“Yes” she replies “You treat me like shit”
“Oh shut up you treat me just the same,” I say pushing her out the way.
“Don’t push me,” she says pushing me so I slam against the wall I fall to the ground.
“Fuck off” I say getting to my feet.
I walk into my room and most of stuff is missing.
“Did you pack everything?” I ask her.
“Yeah there is 4 bags,” she says.
“Where’s my shitty laptop Gayson gave me?” I ask.
“It was Mason and it’s not yours,” she says.
“It fucken is” I say.
I open the cupboard and everything is gone except the laptop and its bag.
“Great hiding place” I say and take it out but stop “I’m not leaving”
“Why not?” She asks walking into my room “My house my rules”
“I don’t care I live here” I say.
“Fucken get out,” she says pushing me through the door and I ram into the wall but don’t fall “Just fucken go”
“No” I reply.
She grabs me by my arm and I push her off.
“GET OUT” She screams.
I take her advice this time and walk outside.
She kicks my stuff out the door and slams the door.
“Great” I say picking up my bags of stuff while still holding my laptop.
“What happened?” Jacquie asks me.
“My mother” I say angrily.
Jacquie picks up the paint cans.
“Thanks” I say.
She smiles but it drops when she sees mum at the window.
“Get the fuck off my property” my mum yells.
“What’s up with her?” Jacquie asks concerned.
“She probably had some drug that fucked her mood,” I say.
We begin walking to my actual place, well for now it’s my house.
We walk inside to find more shit on the walls and more cans of spray paint.
“FOR FUCKS SAKE CAN’T ANYTHING GO MY WAY?” I yell.
I put my bags on the ground and take the cans of paint away from Jacquie. I open up the black paint can and splatter it over all the writing.
“Gerard we can fix it, it’s fine” Jacquie says.
I throw the can at the wall and it puts a hole in the wall. I get the red paint can and open it and I begin doing the same as the black. I throw the can down the hallway. I run down the hallway and kick it and it flies into the bedroom. I go to where I store my alcohol and there is only one bottle left.
“NOW THEY STEAL MY STASH” I yell getting the last bottle and go into my bedroom to find two guys and two girls all teenagers and all semi-naked and trying to put on there clothes as quickly as possible.
“AND YOU COME IN HERE AND HAVE SEX” I yell.
I throw the bottle across the room and it smashes on the wall.
“FUCKEN HELL” I yell and walk down the hallway “TAKE THE FUCKEN PLACE IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE”
I walk out the front door leaving Jacquie behind.
“Gerard what the fuck is up?” she yells to me.
I continue walking.

Chapter 36– The New Look (Jacquie’s POV)

30 minutes later…
He is nearly finished his bottle of vodka and me on the other hand half way.
“You can’t drink all of it you're gonna be like full drunk and like unable to move” I say.
“Meh this isn’t that much” he replies, “I have had a litre and just stumbled around”
He finishes it off and throws the empty bottle against the plain wall on the other side of the room and I jump on impact.
He opens his bag up and pulls out two vodka cruisers He looks at me and sits one of them next to his bag and then opens the other.
“You’re drinking more?” I ask.
“Yeah, you sound like my mother” he says taking a big mouthful and swallowing it.
“Why?” I ask.
“No reason MOTHER” he says walking off down the hallway and disappearing into room.
I continue looking at the walls again.
A picture of a girl catches my eye, the girl is sitting on a swing in the rain looking at her wrists cut and bleeding.
I examine the picture to see if there were anymore fine details that Gerard had added that would trick the mind, but none I could find. I look around some more and take a casual sip from my drink. I smile as I see a picture of what looks to be Frank with a black guitar similar to his but with flames on it Gerard always thought Frank had a talent when it came to playing the guitar. I finish my drink as Gerard walks in.
“Finished?” he asks.
“Yeah” I say.
He walks over to me and takes my bottle and leaves again into a room.

A few minutes later he reappears with my bottle filled with black paint and his with red.
“I wanna check something” he says “Get behind me”
I do as he says and he throws the two bottles at the plain wall on the other side of the room. The two bottles smashed against the wall spraying paint all of it.
“Okay explain?” I ask.
“Soon I will know,” he says.
“What the?” I ask.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do with that wall” he says “Maybe words, lyrics something like that”
He turns and looks at me.
“Want another drink?” he asks.
“Okay” I reply.
He reaches down to his bag and passes me the bottle on the fall I take it from him and then he opens his bag and reaches into it bring out a bottle of beer.
“Beer Time” he says with a laugh and opens it and sculls half of it.
“You really shouldn’t do that so often,” I say to him.
“What are you gonna do about it?” he asks.
“Well nothing but tell you to stop,” I say.
“That's fine with me” he says then sculls the rest of his drink and drops the empty bottle to the ground It makes a cling when it hits and then he kicks it softly so it’s on the other side of the room.
He gets out another bottle of what looks to be chocolate milk.
“You might like these” he says showing me it and putting it on the floor He brings out three other bottles and kicks his bag against the wall closest to us. He walks again through the hallway and returns only carrying one of the bottles. He opens it and puts it to his lips and stops.
“What?” he asks “Need help opening that?”
“Oh no I forgot” I say looking at the bottle and opening it.
“Wanna sit down?” he asks.
“Umm sure” I reply.
“Follow” he says and walks through the hallway turning into another room, I follow him. The room turns out to be a bedroom With a single bed, a table and an armchair.
He sits on the in the armchair and drink from his bottle more causally, I sit on the bed and take a sip of my drink.
“So is this all you do here?” I ask.
“No” he says “I do way more, just a lazy day today”
“You need to go back to school,” I say to him.
“Why?” he asks madly, “To get bullied, bashed and broken”
“No, you need to learn more than just art” I say calmly “Plus if bullying gets that bad you can go home at lunch”
“I already tried that,” he says, “I’m thinking of dropping out, I wanna work in comics”
“Comics are cool, but … its not as glam as it seems” I say.
“Oh well” he says and drinks some more of his drink “I rather do that then get some shit ass job in an office”
“Okay, well I can’t control your life” I say and give a shrug and drink some more of my drink.
He looks straight at me as if he can see my soul and that he is thinking of a way of telling me he can.
“You're right” he says taking another sip of his drink and then places it on the table “No one can control my life”
He gets up and walks out the room.
I quickly finish my drink and place it on the table with his and walk out after him.
I fall over him lying on the ground and hit the ground with a thud.
“What the hell Gerard?” I say sitting up.
He pushes me back down.
“Ger…” I say but he covers my mouth.
He looks at me and shakes his head.
I listen carefully and hear a heated argument that sounded as if it was just in the other room.
"Stay here" Gerard whispers to me.
He crawls down the hall and stops next to where the front door would be He looks through the door. Meanwhile the argument is getting fierce. The yelling becomes louder until gunshots ring out Then there is the echoing sound of footsteps running away from the scene. Gerard gets up and walks over to me and helps me up.
"Drugies" he says.
"I see" I reply.
"We better get going before the cops get here or some shit will break out" He says walking back into the front room and getting his backpack. I walk to him and we leave the house and we walk down the dark road.

“Fuck I’m off my head” Gerard says breaking the silence.
“What do you mean?” I ask, “You look fine”
“Thanks” he says and I look at him.
He wasn’t fine his eyes were red and he was staggering quite a bit.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this … drunk,” he says.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this drunk” I say, “Why did you drink so much?”
“I’m nervous,” he says.
“Why?” I ask.
“A couple of reasons” he replies.
“Do go on” I say.
“Well now I’m nervous cause if mum sees me like this she is gonna be really pissed and well there's too much to say” he says and stops walking.
I stop too.
“I could ask if you could stay with us” I say “But I doubt you're gonna be allowed”
“Damn” he says and then suddenly looks up holding his mouth.
“You're gonna be sick aren’t you?” I ask.
He nods and walks next to tree and starts throwing up I sigh and walk over to him and rub his back to help him bring it up.

We are there for about 15 minutes and finally he stops.
“Well I think I lost most my weight” he says with a laugh.
“Very funny, you're not going home” I say “I don’t think your mum would be pleased if you threw up on her rug”
“True but where are we supposed to go?” he asks, “We can’t go to yours because Kerrie wouldn’t be impressed”
“I’m thinking,” I say.
“I think Ray is home by himself,” he says.
“I don’t think he would be pleased but it’s worth a try,” I say.
We walk slowly to Ray’s.

It takes almost double the time to get there cause Gerard couldn’t stop stumbling around.
I knock on the door.
Gerard is leaning against me making me feel kinda uncomfortable especially where his head was placed.
Shirtless, Ray finally opens the door.
“What?” a sleepy Ray says angrily.
“Hi” I say.
“What?” He asks surprised we were there “Why are you guys here and why is Gerard in your … cleavage?”
“Well he is drunk and well he can’t go home cause of his mum,” I say “and well he said you were home alone so I was thinking…”
“Fine but please don’t make a mess, I’m in shit with my mum and dad cause of … an incident and I just don’t want anymore trouble with them” he says letting us in.
Ray helps me bring Gerard in who had fallen asleep, we put him on the couch.
“Well its good to see you” Ray says.
“It’s good to see you too,” I say.
“So where did he get the alcohol?” he asks.
“I have no idea,” I say.
“Do you have any?” he asks.
“Yeah” I say.
“Why aren’t you … like him?” he asks.
“I didn’t have as much as him but I am sorta just not as bad” I say.
“Did he pressure you?” Ray asks.
“No, not all” I say.
“Okay” he says with a smile.
“Ray do you have any food I could eat I’m starving?” I ask.
“Sure” he says.
We walk into the kitchen leaving Gerard to his deep slumber.
“I think we have some chips,” he says “From a week ago”
“Yeah I want to survive,” I say.
“Fine how about some popcorn?” he asks.
“Sure” I reply.
“I’ll make some, you keep Gerard company,” he says with a laugh.
I walk back to Gerard just in time to … get covered in vomit.
“Umm ewww” I say loudly.
“What?” Ray asks running out from the kitchen. I turn and look at him.
“Ewww” he says “That is gross”
“I think I’m gonna vomit too” I say.
“Don’t get it on the carpet” Ray says.
“Too late” I say looking down at my shoes.
Ray looks at my shoes too.
“Eww you got it on your shoe” he says.
“Not helping” I say.
“I don’t know what to do,” he says.
“Do you have something I can change into?” I ask feeling more sick the longer it was on me.
“Umm sure I guess,” he says, “What do you wanna wear?”
“I dunno anything even a dressing gown would help” I reply angrily.
“I've got one of those,” he says running off to his room.
“I didn’t mean literally” I say under my breath.
“I’m sorry” Gerard says.
“It’s fine,” I say.
“No its not this is my fault I shouldn’t have taken you to that house” he says.
“It’s fine really Gerard” I say, “I can wash my clothes”
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“It’s okay, you just try to get some sleep,” I say.
“I’m not tired though,” he says.
“You don’t know how little kiddie that sounded” I say to him with a smile.
He laughs a little and coughs.
Ray enters the room carrying a black dressing gown.
He passes it to me.
“Thanks” I say taking it from him.
“Should I get him something?” Ray asks.
“Yeah a glass of water and a bowl and remember the popcorn” I say.
“Oh yeah” Ray says running off to the kitchen.
I look at Gerard again he is asleep, he always so peaceful when he sleeps.
I quickly undress and put on the dressing gown before Ray enters with a glass of water and a bowl.
“Are you completely naked in my dressing gown?” he asks surprised.
“No… not completely” I say “You're not gonna die or anything if you wear this again anways”
He passes me the glass of water and the bowl.
“Want a bag for you clothes?” Ray asks.
“Yeah thanks oh and where do you keep your cleaning supplies anyways?” I ask.
“Umm why?” he asks, “I will clean up this mess”
“Nah I’ll do it,” he says.
“I am” I say, “I bet they are under the sink”
I walk past him to the kitchen and he follows me.
I open the cupboard under the sink and get out some detergent and then a bowl and fill it with some water. I get a cloth and take the bowl and cloth out to the lounge room and begin cleaning up Gerard’s “You shouldn’t have drunken” mess.
“Eww your touching it” Ray mocks.
“Ray Popcorn” I say.
He runs to the kitchen.
“Damn” he says.
“You killed it didn’t you” I say so he can hear me.
“Yes, I’ll start another one up” he says.
I hear pots cling in the kitchen and then the kernels falling into the pot and a lid placed over it.
Ray enters the room when I have finished.
“You did a good job,” Ray says picking up the bowl.
“Thanks” I say.
Ray leaves the room obviously getting rid of contents of the bowl.
I walk into the kitchen and wash my hands in the sink when hands circle my waist.
I guessed who it was and continued washing my hands and dried them on a tea towel.
I pull Gerard’s hands off from around of my waist and he attempts to do it again but I grab his wrists.
“What’s up?” he asks.
I roll my eyes and turn around I look at him his eyes were still red in fact maybe redder. I let go of his wrists and get the tea towel and wipe his mouth and put the tea towel back on the counter.
I smile, he reminds me of when I had to baby-sit a 1 year old who loved his mummy so much he would cry when she wasn’t around. I grab his hand and pull him back into the lounge and make him sit on a chair. Something was telling me I should leave so this wouldn’t turn into another Matt incident. (Chapter 15) but something was saying stay here he needs you. I sit on the chair opposite Gerard He looks at the glass of water next to him and grabs it and drinks some and places the glass back down. Ray enters the room and I look at him.
“What was I interrupting anything?” he asks.
“Popcorn” I say.
“Right I knew that” he says leaving the room to check on the popcorn.
An awkward silence fills the room.
I attempt to break it.
“So” I say.
Gerard stares at me, I glance away from him, looking at the painting on the wall I could feel his stare it was eating at me, wanting me to talk to him just to get him to stop I finally feel his eyes are off of me.
“Okay these look good” Ray says walking into the room with popcorn.
“Not burnt this time?” I ask jokingly.
“No” he says placing the bowl on the table “wanna watch a movie?”
“I think I might go home,” I say.
“You make me make popcorn for you and now you wanna go?” Ray asks.
“I just … don’t feel right,” I say getting outta my seat.
“Don’t go” Gerard says.
“I really should,” I say.
“Want your clothes?” Ray asks.
“Well yeah” I reply.
Ray passes me my clothes in a bag.
“I’ll walk you home” Gerard says.
“No you stay here and sleep,” I say.
“But…” Gerard starts
“…She right Gerard you are way too drunk” Ray buts in “But Jacquie you do need to be walked home here”
“Fine” I say.
I walk over to Gerard and hug him.
“Bye” I say “I’ll see you tomorrow till then you better sober up”
“Okay” he says pecking me on the cheek.
I let go and Ray and I walk off.

We walk down the street.
“I bet you its weird seeing a girl in a dressing gown walking down the street” I randomly say.
“Yeah people are gonna have heart attacks” he jokes.
“So, make sure Gerard sobers up okay” I say.
“Okay I’ll do my best,” he says.
“Is he like this all the time” I ask.
“Well he gets drunk a lot, but tonight he seemed different” Ray says.
We arrive at my house after the conversation went quiet.
“I’ll see ya later” I say hugging Ray.
“Bye” he says hugging me back.
I open the door and go inside and close the door behind me I walk quietly to my room go inside and put my bag of clothes on the floor, then I change into my pj’s and go to sleep.

Chapter 35– We have arrived young Miss **arrived** (Jacquie’s POV)

“We have arrived young Miss,” a male voice says.
I wake to see the guy who had sat next to me.
“Oh thank you,” I say.
“No problem” he says walking into the aisle.

I walk into the aisle and out of the plane I walk into the airport and I look around for Jimmy or Kerrie, I see Kerrie looking around anxiously with Jimmy I run up to her and hug her.
“Hey Neicey” she says hugging me back.
“Hi” I say, “Missed you heaps”
“Same” she says letting go of me.
“Hey Jimmy,” I say hugging him and letting go.
“Yo” he says “We better get your luggage”
“Yeah” I say and we walk to bag pick up.
I get my bag and Jimmy carries it for me then we walk out of the airport. Immediately I feel the cold, New Jersey cold How I missed thy. I rub my hands up and down my arms.
We get into the car, Jimmy puts my bag into the back and we drive off When we get close to where I used to live I look out of the window It had been years since I had been here. Everything looked pretty much the same except things had aged a fair bit and there was a couple more shops on the way to Kerrie’s. I look at everything, each thing bringing back a new memory. Then we finally arrive, The house looked exactly the same, it didn’t look any different, it hadn’t even aged. Jimmy gets my bag out of the car and we all walk inside I look at the walls there were more daggers and swords up.
“You're in the same room” Kerrie says “I haven’t changed it much”
I walk to my room and open the door and go inside.
She was right not much had changed except for the curtains, they were black now and the bedspread BLACK. I think she did that to make me like it more Jimmy walks in and puts my bag down.
“Hope you enjoy” he says and walks out of the room.

I decide to unpack I put away everything neatly and quickly, I put my laptop on the desk and I pull out my phone from my pocket, It was worthless here but I had my contacts on it so I could call anyone if I wanted, I walked out into the lounge room and there Jimmy was with a sandwich.
“Tuna and cream Miss Weird” he says.
I take it off him.
“Gladly accepted” I say.
I sit down and eat it, I missed these heaps.
“What time is it?” I ask Jimmy who had sat down on the chair next to me.
“9am” he says.
“Okay cool” I say, “I was wondering can I…”
“Go see Gerard” he finished “Yeah”
“I was going to say my friends but okay” I reply.

I finish my sandwich put the plate in the sink and walk out the of house and over to Gerard’s.
I knock on the door, it opens and Mikey is standing there playing a game boy not looking up.
“Hello” he says, “May I help you?”
“Maybe” I say.
“I can’t look up who ever you are, I’m trying to beat level 65 I’m so close” he says.
“Fine I’ll just leave and go see Matt,” I say.
This catches his attention and he looks up.
“Jacquie” he says.
“Yes, that would be me” I say and hug him.
“Oh my god” he says hugging me back.
I let go of him.
“Gerard get your arse out of your room and come here” he yells out.
“Fuck off” Gerard yells back.
“Sorry I forgot you were coming” he says “and sorry Gerard is being an arse”
“I’ll go get him,” I say.
Mikey lets me in and closes the door after me.
I go to Gerard’s room and knock on the door.
“Mikey I said fuck off” Gerard says.
I open the door and walk inside, the room smelled bad but not as bad as it used to, Gerard had obviously grown but not just that but he had gained a bit of weight, but that didn’t matter, He was lying on his bed facing the wall.
“Mikey get whatever you want and leave” he says angrily.
I walk up to him and hug him from behind.
“Fuck Mikey have you become gay?” he says pulling himself from my grip and then he looked at me “Jacquie”
“Yes that would be me” I say “And you ... I have no idea who you are?”
I laugh.
“I would be the all mighty Gerard, everyone fears me,” he says getting up.
He was a little taller than me but not by much.
I hugged him and he hugged me back and tighter too.
“I missed you heaps,” he says.
“Same here” I say.
I try to let go but he didn’t plan on letting go so I continued hugging him till like a minute later when he finally let me go.
“Wanna come with me to see the others?” I ask.
“I might stay here,” he says.
“Wrong” I say and grab him by the hand and pull him out the room.
“Are you guys going to see the others?” Mikey asks.
“She is” Gerard says.
“We are, wanna come too,” I ask.
“Sure” Mikey says.
We walk out of the house and we walk to Matt’s.
“There’s one thing I must say is that Matt and Paula’s relationship has worsened so they aren’t always together” Mikey says.
“Oh that’s a shame they are so cute together,” I say.
I knock on the door.
I push Gerard and Mikey in front of me and hide behind them.
“Get him to come out,” I say to them.
The door opens.
“Hi” he says.
“Why don’t you come out here so we can talk to you” Mikey says.
“Umm okay” Matt says confused.
He walks around them and I tackle him to the ground.
“What the fuck” he says and looks at me.
“You evil bitch” he says and pins me down “You should have come to me first”
He gets off me and pulls me up and hugs me.
“Gerard and Mikey are closer to my place,” I say.
“Man you are heaps taller,” he says.
“Well I am seventeen,” I say.
“Of course” he says.
I look at him in more detail, he is still taller than me and he has kept his hair the same, talk about staying the same.
“Ooo another Anthrax fan aye?” he asks.
“Been for ages” I reply “Ray time”
“Yeah” Mikey says excited.

We all walk to Ray’s When we arrive we think of a funny way of telling him I’m here.
“I got up to level 70 Ray” Mikey yells.
We hear footsteps and the door opens.
“No way” he says.
“I saved the evil bitchy princess of darkness,” Mikey says.
“What?” he says confused “There’s no evil princess”
“This game called life does” I say coming out from behind Gerard.
“Jacquie” he says and hugs me.
“Do I have to say it again YES THAT IS ME” I say hugging him back.
He lets go
“Fuck how have you been?” he asks looking at me.
“Okay” I say.
“Frankie Time” Mikey says
“Awesome” I reply.

We walk to Frankie’s, as soon as we are a few blocks away from his place we hear guitar riffs. I knock on the door We wait a while, obviously he couldn’t hear us, Gerard shakes his head.
“Guitar how you mock me” he says.
“Is his room still the same one?” I ask.
“Yeah” Mikey says.
I smile and climb over the fence and walk around the house trying to find an open window, the kitchen one is open so I climb through and am careful not to knock anything over, I walk to his room and open the door.
“Turn that down people are trying to be answered at your door” I yell over the music.
He stops and looks at me.
“Dude” is all he says.
“No Dudette” I reply.
“Anthrax?” he asks.
“Yeah” I say.
“We need to get you a Smashing Pumpkins one,” he says with a smile.
“I've got 2 of those” I say and hug him.
“Good” he says and lets go.
“So yeah seen everyone yet?” he asks.
“We got one person left if Matt doesn’t mind,” I say.
“Oh Paula” he says “he might stay then”
“Well she is my friend though,” I say.
We walk out of the house and Frank closes the door.
“There’s one person left,” I say.
Matt looks at me then looks down and shakes his head slightly, he knows who it is.
“Come on don’t worry okay,” I say walking over to him and putting my hand on his back.
“It’s just she don’t act how she used too” he says
“What do you mean?” I ask
“I would say but I won’t” he says “Just not in front of them”
“We love to be called them,” Ray says sarcastically.
I pull Matt aside so the guys couldn’t hear us talking.
“She has gone really girly and … wild,” he says.
“Wild as in?” I ask.
“Sex used to be fun but then it was just like an everyday thing and then she started acting … well wild” he says shyly “It was a turn on at first but no … not anymore”
“Oh okay” I say kinda weirded out.
“And when she did become girly it was just like lets go shopping, lets go get my nails done and lets go get my hair done” he says “It would have been fine if it was like a once a month salon trip but it was every week and I always had to pay for it and that’s $150 for her hair and like $50 for nails plus then her shopping stuff”
“Well that is bad,” I say.
“And then I just snapped and yelled at her, told her to leave me alone” he says and a tear streaked down his face “ she just looked at me … shocked and then she walked off, I didn’t wanna tell the guys so I went over and said sorry and tried to make her forgive me and then I said could we at least try to get along she agreed”
“Why?” I ask.
“Well everyone else’s relationship had ended” he says wiping his eyes “ I just wanted to look as if I could keep one, but every time I was around her she would start a fight with me and embarrass me in front of them and so I broke up with her like 3 weeks ago”
“I’m guessing you haven’t told anyone?” I ask.
“No” he sighs.
“You gotta tell them soon” I say.
“I know,” he says.
“Okay to Paula's" I say.
“But...” Matt says but I cut him off.
“You just stay near me only say hi if she says it to you okay” I say quietly to him “I wanna see how bad she has gotten”
“You’re going to be in for a surprise,” he says.

We walk to Paula’s and I knock on the door.
She opens the door and wow was she different, her hair now a peroxide blonde and she was wearing one of the skimpiest pinkest dresses I had ever seen.
“Oh my fucken god” she says in a ‘plastic’ voice “Look at you Jacquie you're so… umm…nice and umm…dark”
She does an air kiss either side of my face.
Oh she has definitetly changed.
“You're … nice” I say awkwardly.
“I know, I so am,” she says.
“I’m going to be going now, I’ve got … stuff to unpack” I lie.
“Okay” she says, “See ya next time”
She closes the door.

I walk away down the road a little with the guys following me, and then I stop.
“You okay” Gerard says putting his hand on my shoulder.
I try to hold it in but its no use, I begin laughing me head off and fall to my knees from laughter.
Gerard smiles at me.
I stop myself from laughing when I see Matt’s face It was unreadable, Happiness or Sadness? GOD DAMN HIM FOR BEING SO HARD TO READ SOMETIMES.
I get to my feet and stare at him, He tilts his head slightly as to say what? I raise my eyebrows a little and he obviously gets what I’m on about.
“Its fine” he says.
Everyone looks at him, he back at them.
“What?” he asks.
Gerard shrugs.
“I better get back” Gerard says walking off.
“Umm bye” I say.
He keeps walking.
“Dick” Matt says under his breath.
I glare at him and choose to ignore it.
“I better be getting back to my guitar she gets lonely easily” Frank says.
“Bye” we all say and he walks off.
“Do any of you guys ever hang out?” I ask.
“Eh sometimes” Ray says, “Me and Mikey verse each other on our game boys a lot”
“Whoa you guys use to hangout all the time now… sometimes … weird” I say, “Hey is the park still in tact?”
“Kinda” Ray says.
I begin thinking about everything that had happened in that park alone, Some good, some bad and some just normal but a lot had happened in there.
I get an urge to walk to it and act on it.

When I get there I look around, everything still needing updating but it didn’t matter to me it was pretty much how I left it except for a couple of discarded needles near the slides I see the druggies have set up shop. The guys just stand around occasionally saying words to each other.
I walk over to the swing, images flash through my mind as if there was a movie right there. I look over at the bench again images flash in my mind, I begin feeling faint. I look over at Ray and Mikey talking and Matt looking at the bench I’m guessing he is getting images in his head too.
“You still skate?” I ask Matt.
He looks at me and nods.
“Any better or just as wussy as you were before?” I ask.
“Oh you're on” he says with a smile.
“I better get my board” I say and run back over to my place.
I open the door and run to my room looking for my board I find it and run out and find Matt, Ray and Mikey waiting for me.
“Speed race?” Matt asks.
“Yeah okay” I say.
“Wanna hill to help your snail pace?” he challenges.
“No, but you might need it for yours” I say.
He rolls his eyes, great another person that does that.

We walk a few blocks to the hill we used to go down all the time, again memories flash in my head, like the time Ray tried to go as fast as Matt and fell off and broke his arm. Matt and I walk up the hill while Ray and Mikey stayed at the bottom.
“So great to have you back Jacquie” Matt says.
“Thanks, it is really great to be back,” I say and we had reached the top.
I look down at Mikey and Ray both smiling happily I smile to myself.
“Ready?” Matt asks.
I look at him and smile again.
“Yeah” I say “Yeah I am”
We hope on our boards and wait till Mikey tells us to go.
“I’m so gonna kick your ass” Matt says.
“That’s what you said last time and I kicked yours by like three metres” I say.
“GO” Mikey yells.
We both kick off I begin flying down the hill with Matt just behind me. In a split second he had kicked madly at the ground and finally got in front of me I begin try my hardest to beat him to the bottom but can’t and come in second.
“You have gotten way better,” I say to him.
“Yeah” he says “Practiced nearly everyday since ya left”
“Really?” I ask.
“Nah” he says with a laugh.
I laugh a bit.
“Oh look at that, someone’s got someone new” A guys voice says from behind me.
The voice sounded awfully familiar.
“Go fuck yourself” Matt says.
“Hey honey, don’t hang with these losers” the guy says putting a hand on my shoulder “ Last girl that was with these guys went to Australia and never came back”
I smile at Matt.
“I wouldn’t say that” I say.
“How would you know sweetie?” he says turning me around.
“I wonder how,” I say to him.
He studies me a bit and realises finally who I am and his face changes to a surprised look.
“Remember me?” I say.
“Jacquie” he says.
“Yep that’s it Ryan” I say.
“Whoa you have changed,” he says.
I brush his hand off my shoulder.
“Yeah that’s what happens when you age” I say.
Matt laughs.
“Shut up queer,” Ryan says to Matt.
“Why don’t you” Matt says back at him.
Ryan walks past me and I pull him back and he falls on his arse.
I shake my head at him and laugh.
“Your as weak as ever” I say.
“Just wasn’t expecting it” Ryan says getting up, his face now a pink colour from embarrassment.
“Sure” I reply sarcastically.
“Plus I wouldn’t punch a girl” he says, “I would get bitch slapped”
I clench my fists, which Matt notices.
“Jacquie don’t worry, this hobo is living on the streets,” he says.
“No I’m not” he says, “I’m living at Paula’s and you know that”
This strikes me.
“What?” Ray, Mikey and I say at the same time.
“Yeah, I’m living with her” he says “Long story really the chick was alone and wanted some fun and…”
“Shut the fuck up” I say and punch him straight in the stomach.
He falls down.
I stop and bring my hands to my face I was trying to stop being so violent, I promised mum.
I pick up my board.
“Let's go” Matt says before I can.
We walk off leaving Ryan by himself.
“That never used to be a problem for you” Mikey says.
“What?” I ask still walking.
“You never used to … care if you hit some one,” he says.
“I know” I say.
“So why is it wrong now?” he asks.
“Promised mum I would ease up on it,” I say.
“Oh” he says.
“Mummy’s little girl” Ray says jokingly.
“At the moment I have to be I’m on a suspension” I say.
“What” Ray splutters “What for?”
“Swearing at the teacher oh and also back chatting him too,” I say, “Apparently it’s against the rules to back chat a teacher”
We all laugh.
“What a naughty girl” Matt says jokingly.
“Yeah Mummy’s little bitch” Ray adds.
I crack up, Mum always said I was a bitch.
We all laugh together and continue walking till we get back to mine and we sit in the gutter.
“So” I say.
“So” Ray says.
“Copy cat, what’s the time?” I ask.
“6 … oh shit” he says and gets up and runs.
I look at Matt and Mikey.
“Umm explain?” I ask.
“Either Star Wars or his mum wants him to cook tonight,” Matt says.
“Cooking” Mikey says, “Star Wars was at 10”
“Okay” I say.
“Well I gotta go home” Matt says, “Dad wants some help with some project thing”
Matt rolls his eyes and gets up.
“Bye” Mikey and I say.
He smiles and walks to his place and goes inside.
“Reckon Gerard would talk to me?” I ask.
“Yeah” Mikey says, “He might not be home, well if he is home he is going out soon then”
“Where?” I ask.
“He won’t tell me and he won’t tell mum,” Mikey says.

We walk into Mikey’s house and Mikey walks into his room while I knock on Gerard’s door.
I never used to knock, I never need to the door was always open.
“Yo” Gerard calls.
I open the door and find Gerard reading comics.
“Hey” I say.
“Hey” he says getting up.
“Mikey says you go out around now,” I say.
“Yeah” Gerard says.
“Where?” I ask.
“I’ll show you if you like?” he asks.
“Okay” I say “How long for?”
“As long as you like” he says “But I gotta get changed, and you might wanna you don’t want that shirt dirty or damaged I bet”
“What?” I ask.
“Well the place we are going to is a bit dirty” he says.
“I only got band shirts,” I say.
“Okay go to Mikey’s and ask for a shirt he doesn’t care much about to wear” Gerard says.
“Umm okay” I say leaving the room closing the door after me.
I walk into Mikey’s room.
“Hiya Mikey do you have a shirt you don’t care much about that I could wear?” I ask.
“Umm sure … any reason in particular?” he asks.
“Well I dunno Gerard said I should have change so I don’t dirty this one” I say.
He looks in his closet and brings out a black shirt with the word “danger” across it in red print.
“I don’t really like this shirt” he says “Mum’s friend got it for me”
He hands me the shirt and I take it.
“Thank Mikey” I say and walk to the bathroom and change shirts.
I walk back to Gerard’s room and knock.
“Come in” he says.

I open the door and he is in black jeans and a plain black shirt.
“Ahh the danger shirt” he says “I guessed”
“Yeah, so where do I put my shirt?” I ask.
“Pass us it,” he says.
I give him my shirt and he lays it on his table.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Yeah” I say.
He gets a bag and puts it on his back and we walk out of his room.
We walk out of the front door and he closes it behind us.
“Aren’t you gonna say bye to them?” I ask.
“Meh” he says.
“I’ll just tell Kerrie I’m gonna be out for a while okay wait here” I say and walk over to my place.
I open the door and call out to Kerrie.
“Yeah Jacquie” I hear her say.
“I’m going out okay” I say.
“Umm why?” she asks coming into view.
“Why not” I say jokingly.
“Be back by say 10 and make sure you have dinner,” she says.
“I don’t know when I’m gonna be back” I say.
“Jacquie” she says.
“I’ll be with my friends, I promise I will be fine,” I say.
“Okay but if anything happens come straight here okay,” she says making herself damn clear.
“Yeah okay” I say “Bye”
I close the door and walk back to Gerard.
“Now I’m ready,” I say.
“Okays” he says and we walk down the street.
“So done much?” I ask.
“Not really” he says.
“Okay, umm where are we going?” I ask.
“My place” he says.
“Your place?” I ask.
“Yeah, well no it’s an abounded house I hang there cause yeah I can” he says.
“Okay” I say.
“So hows everything in Australia anyway?” he asks.
“Umm okay got suspended that’s all” I say with a laugh.
“What for?” he asks.
“Swearing at a teacher,” I say.
“I expected more like punching a teacher,” he says.
“Nah” I say “I don’t aim to be suspended it just happened okay”
“Aww you're no fun” he jokes.
“Meh” I say.
“So yeah how’s Andrew?” he asks.
“He is good” I say, “He also got suspended because of me”
“How?” he asks surprised.
“Well the teacher called me a stupid skank after I left the room and Andrew back chatted him and yeah got a suspension for it, I seriously don’t get it” I reply.
“Oh” he says

We turn a corner.
“Well I don’t get suspended,” he says.
“That’s good” I reply.
“I just don’t go to school,” he says.
I laugh.
“Good one” I say.
“No I’m serious” he says, “I only go when I have art and music”
“Oh” I say really not expecting it.
“You win some you lose some,” he says.
“What?” I ask.
“Never mind” he replies.
“So you do art and music as electives?” I ask.
“Yeah” he replies, “What do you do?”
“Art and IT and other stuff” I say not really caring much for the question.
“No more dance?” he jokes.
“No” I say and laugh.
“Well we’re here,” he says as we walk up the driveway of an old house.
“Okay” I say looking at the house closely.
It was obviously abandoned as the most of windows were all smashed and the door ripped off its hinges and it’s now resting home on the grass out front. Most of the roof tiles were missing or broken and the chimney look as it was ready to fall down.
“I go here most the time when I wanna get away” he says looking straight at me “Or just plain hang … out”
“Oh okay, it’s safe?” I ask.
“I guess, I haven’t died … yet,” he says walking through were the front door would be.
I follow him and look around.
All the walls were covered in various artworks, One was of a sunset at some place with a bay with boats and factories surrounding the bay I walk closer to it and study the work more closely.
“I bet you don’t see what I see in that,” Gerard says from behind me.
“A beautiful sunset?” I say “With boats?”
“Well you're seeing what most would focus on” he says walking more closer to it “But this is what you missed”
He points to an alleyway in between to of the factories.
There’s a teenage girl crying, with two men pinning her to the wall while another is holding her hips.
“Why did you paint that?” I ask somewhat disgusted in his choice of work.
“I paint what I see,” he says “September 25th that happened, while I was on holiday with my family”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” I ask.
“Revenge” he says turning away.
“Revenge?” I ask madly “You were always crazed with that”
“I didn’t do anything,” he says turning back at me “She is the one that started saying shit to me and Mikes”
“Oh” I say, “Did that happen to her because of you?
“Hell no” he says “It just happened and I watched as she was dragged to an alleyway from the board walk.
“You should have told someone,” I say.
“I wanted to but the only one that would listen to me is 7 thousand or so miles away from me,” he says taking his bag off his back.
“Oh” I say quite touched in a way but angry people didn’t believe him.
“It don’t matter anyway” he says pulling out a glass bottle from his bag and then placing the bag on the ground, the clinging of glass sounded from the bag “Wanna drink?”
He shows me the bottle he had taken out of his bag.
“Vodka?” I ask.
“Vodka, Vodka cruisers, beer and some other crap” he says.
“Well I guess one wouldn’t hurt” I say “Cruiser please”.
“Sure” he says getting out one from his bag and passing it to me “You're not fussed by flavour right?”
“Nah” I say accepting the bottle from him “Thanks”.
He opens his bottle, as do I.
He takes a swish of his and swallows.
“You’re having it straight?” I ask, “It tastes like shit that way”
“Well it don’t to matter me” he says and takes another swish.
I shrug and drink mine slowly.