Chapter 39 – Awoken (Gerard’s POV)

“Why don’t you just kiss me?” A voice yells.
I look around.
“Why don’t you just walk up to me and kiss me?” The voice yells again.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“You always wanted to do that ever since I got back,” The voice yells louder.
“Who is that?” I ask.
“You won’t do anything cause you're scared you coward” The voice yells near my ear.
I turn around but nothing is there.
“What do you want?” I ask.
“Question is what do you want you fucken Coward,” The voice yells right against my ear.
I drop to my knees the voice was a women’s voice, a yelling woman’s voice and it was making my ears feel as if they were bleeding.
“Please stop yelling,” I say.
“Why should I stop Gerard?” The voice asks still yelling.
“Cause your hurting me,” I say covering my ears.
“Well you hurt me but that doesn’t matter does it Gee?” The voice says a little quieter.
Only one girl that calls me Gee … Jacquie.
“All you want to do is kiss me but you won’t cause you're too scared” The voice yells but begins to quieten.
“What is wrong?” I ask looking up.
“You” The voice says and begins to sob, the sob I knew to well it was Jacquie’s.
“Why?” I ask looking around for anything.
“You can’t even tell me you love me anymore, you hide everything” Jacquie says trembly.
Then there is a thud.
“Jacquie” I yell.
“Just go away,” she says.
I begin walking around all but all I see is darkness.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“You pushed everyone away,” she screams.
“No I didn’t,” I say back still looking.
“Your mum” She says.
“She doesn’t care about me,” I say.
“Matt” She says.
“I didn’t,” I say beginning to feel really bad.
“Ray… Frankie … even Mikey … your brother” she says.
“I didn’t push them away, they pushed me away” I say.
“Your own brother” she sobs.
“I didn’t,” I say.
“You pushed me away” she says very quietly.
“I did not, I kept you as close as possible,” I yell.
No reply.
“Jacquie” I yell.
I begin running around in different directions trying to find her.
“Jacquie” I yell again.
I hear a moan and finally see Jacquie curled in a ball. She is wearing a white dress stained with red.
I run to her and kneel beside her I lift her into my arms.
“Jacquie are you okay?” I ask.
“I told you to go away,” She mumbles.
“I’m not going” I say looking at her arms covered in cuts and bleeding.
She sits up.
“Why can’t you just leave the people you hate alone?” she says.
“I don’t hate you” I say “I don’t hate Mikey, … Matt … Ray and Frank and I don’t even hate my mother, how could I”
She gets to her feet.
“Fuck off you don’t care,” she says walking away.
I follow her.
“I do care,” I say beginning to cry.
“You don’t you have never cared” She says “Look what you have become, if you really cared you would of never become the person who pushes everyone who ever cared for you way”
I grab her by the shoulders and turn her around.
“I never pushed anyone away,” I say crying, “Everyone changed and we grew apart”
“No” she says struggling to break free of my grip.
I pull her into a hug.
“Let go of me” She screams.
“I know you don’t mean it” I say.
She breaks free of my embrace and walks away, I run after her but she becomes unreachable and I fall to the ground crying.

I sit up quickly and look around it was dark.
Just a dream … a nightmare. I look up at where Jacquie was sleeping Her arm lies dangling from the bed. I get up and put her arm back next to her, She had kicked the covers off herself so I pulled them up and covered her.That nightmare was fucked up But it was true I’m scared to tell her how I feel about her, I think its obvious to her I still like her Well to me it was maybe not her, but it doesn’t matter she has Andrew. I feel a tear come to my eye, I blink it away, lie back down and cover myself with the sleeping bag